Justin Timberlake owns my 18-year-old Myspace soul

Mild panic turned into hysteria the other night as I casually Googled myself to see what people in general could find out about me.

There existing in its own little 18-year-old universe was my old MySpace page.

The offending article.

The offending article.

For five full panic-ridden minutes I argued with myself that I had almost definitely, positively deleted it from the World Wide Web.
But it was there staring at me in all it’s duck face posing glory.

What’s worse is the same password I’ve been using since I was 14 didn’t work nor did it recognise my email. What could I do to get rid of this embarrassing abomination?

A hunt through the FAQs lays the answer to all my problems, the MySpace Salute of course.

What the frick is that you may ask? Because I wondered the same.

The only way to remove your account from the internets is to send a picture of you saluting your original MySpace URL. And then forever more be in the gallery of stupid idiots that fell for that.

What can I possibly do now, because as far as I’m concerned the former and soon to be re-crowned prince of pop Justin Timberlake owns my soul.

The achingly embarrassing streams of crap that I wrote about myself, not knowing that only seven short years later I would develop into a person that Does. Not. Like. To. Share.

I need my soul back.

I need my soul back please JT.

MySpace was officially relaunched this past week and it is safe to say the focus is all about the seamless integration of music in social media, allowing you to connect with friends, and discover new artists. (Not the aforementioned streams of crap.)

Justin Timberlake along with his business partners Chris and Tim Vanderhook have a controlling stake in MySpace, and it just so happens that in the same week MySpace was relaunched JT also relaunched his music career. Now that’s a genius act of marketing I ever did see.

From what I remember MySpace’s original strength was music, remember when it launched the career of Lily Allen et al? There wasn’t a  day that went by in the earlyish 2000s that a new artist was launched because of MySpace, and from the help all those fans of course. You were encouraged to make playlists (that annoyingly played automatically when visiting other pages), and it seems that the new version wants you to do the same with it’s very clever music player.

I’m not sure I’ll be signing up to make a new account, but it may be the only way to somehow hack into my existing account to get rid of it and that stupid video of me and unnamed friends dancing and singing to Backstreet Boys…

I say good luck to the new MySpace, I think we’re about ready for a new(ish) social media platform especially for music because I mean who cares about Facebook these days?

All I ask is if you think about rejoining is no more duck face. Please.

If you have any solutions that doesn’t involve me doing a MySpace Salute, I will happily accept them in the comments box below.

And please feel free to share any of your own MySpace horrors, I bet it’s still out there in cyber space and you didn’t even know it!

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