You know what’s coming don’t you, it’s that time of year where if you haven’t got a significant other you find it a pretty grating time having adverts for flowers, chocolates, romantic weekends away and lingerie, shoved in your face like they’re going out of fashion.

Those in love are sickly sweet with each other whilst us loners are stuck out in the cold, discarded, and not worthy.

I don’t need a boyfriend really but it’s pretty unfair that for one day of the year I’m reminded that I’ve never had a bunch of flowers delivered to my door* or my favourite chocolates wrapped and left on my doorstep with a sweet card (oh wait a minute that did happen, he got me the WRONG chocolates, just so you know I do not like Ferrero Rochers) or been given a Me To You bear that says “I Wuv You”.

What’s even worse these days you can’t really do anything on your own because more than likely you’ll look like a social retard, oh wait that’s why we have friends.

Let’s go out and have an anti-man celebration where we bump into more men than ever because they’ve got easy prey. Lonely women. Ouch that sucks, let’s stay in and watch a movie. What was that a happy ever after ending, an amazing marriage proposal, the perfect date, you bought us designer shoes because you know us so well? It is impossible to get away from the picture perfect story that all women aspire to when all we expect is our men to act like Noah Calhoun.

The Notebook

So I could go on and say how we don’t need men we have our girlfriends aka Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, who claims it’s an mortal sin to put your man before your friend, but I’m not going to lie here your friends aren’t going to keep you warm in bed now are they?

So stuff it I hate Valentine’s Day, but I want flowers and I want chocolate.

GIMME NOW.

*All address enquiries welcome.